Fear

That most insipid of emotions, coiling deep within, affecting our thoughts, actions, choices, writing and speech. I have one scene left to film of my short film. 9 thugs with pistols, blasting away at nothing, considering the lead actor is now in America, and I only have one chance of getting this in the can...at least for this year. And the rains are here...and exterior shoot, with real weapons and guys in suits who won't want to get them muddy (because I can't pay for dry cleaning)

The funds are perilously low, Christmas coming and all, so the weekend of the 18/19 must work. I've taken a risk by combining two project shoots into one weekend, both must work to make the equipment hire and props worth the hire.

Dec 19th's Redeemed phase two hangs by a thread, literally. The costumes which I have designed have been cut, sewn and constructed. Nearly 3 weeks of work has gone into the girls costumes, because of what is required. Once the trailer launches I can detail how we made them, but, so as not to reduce the impact of the trailer, all I can tell you is that my costume designer is ready to kill me. In fact, the costumes are something she has never attempted before, and others who are very experienced have said they would never have tried due to the complexity!

Will it work? Will they be ready in time? Will a major prop set piece be found in time? Will rain destroy my chances of getting these short film resources lined up again? 2 projects, one weekend.

Fear. It coils and tightens. The effort and time and my own money going into the Redeemed project, and combined resources of my cowriter Chris Allen and myself for our short film, so many things riding on it. And then there's the thought...the Redeemed script, is it good enough? All this effort and is the very idea good enough, is it worth it? I'm trying to show it is. But can I create this SAS story? The men themselves are larger than life, a special breed, can I even attempt to convey a fictional story about one of their own? It is a movie but it has to be grounded in reality, and the reality is, SAS troopers are some of the best and toughest in the world...can my character even compete? Can the script? (There's a doco on SBS tonight about the SAS selection process...it will be a good gauge)

I guess I will have to tamp down on the fear and try anyway...Ex Pertinacia Victoria